99°C (37°C). After 20min outdoors...
11yo *sitting on bench*: so so hot. I am never getting up againnnn
me: well at least look around you. look at the trees, the blue sky, the pretty hills. watch how the sunlight plays and makes shado--
bug *lands on 11yo's bare leg*
11yo *jumps up, shrieking*: that's it, i am going inside where it's cool and nothing tries to bite me!
me: what happened to never getting up again?
11yo *to me*: You are my creator, and for that I am eternally grateful. You have a tiny speck on your nose, of dust. You have a nose of dust. *cackles*
This has been a brief but wild roller coaster ride.
Me *looking at Tana French's bibliography*: Hmmm...do I have "Witch Elm"?
11yo: Did you just say "I have to chill"
"The solution to having stuff piled everywhere is to have less stuff."
--the 11yo
Spouse and I must be doing something right. 
My kid is up a tree, reading a book. What a glorious way to spend an unseasonably warm afternoon. 
#5thGraderLife
#Oklahoma
#OklahomaCity
#OKC
#bookstodon
#BookLove
#redbud
"I was listening to a podcast with the laundry basket over my head...."
--the 11yo
I just had to go into my 11yo's bedroom in order to retrieve my own boots. She is also recently absconded with my Harley Quinn socks.
Her feet are half a size larger than mine and she's still at least three inches shorter than me.
I guess I shall be tall vicariously through her.
However, I would really like to not have to go hunting for my own clothing! Especially if she stretches out my footwear.
I think this garment thievery is probably only going to get worse.
11yo *reading a Gmail meeting invite*
"Is this on Google Meet? Or the kind of meeting where we can smell each other?"
Send help, I PERISH 
When your kid has #DAVE, you will tell her to go to the bathroom and wash her face, and she will interpret this to mean "go to the office and sharpen a pencil."
#DopamineAttentionVariabiltyExecutiveDysfunction
#ADHD
#MorningMedsHaveNotKickedInYet
#5thGraderLife
In related news, Gen Alpha is going to have all sorts of pandemic-related repercussions in habit and temperament that the rest of us are going to look askance at in the next few decades. Since 11yo went back to in-person school in Feb. 2022, every teacher I've talked to has said that these kids are different.
#GenAlpha
#GenerationAlpha
#PandemicGeneration
#CovidGeneration
#5thGraderLife
Picked up 11yo from school.
Her: I need a break from my brain.
I mean. Don't we all
11yo's teacher emailed parents to say the kids will be starting a program called "Poetry and Chill" this week.
Should I tell them?
Spouse is working with 11yo on her math homework.
From across the room, I just heard her exclaim, "Ohhhhh! That's COOL!"
And this from the kid who hates math?
I THINK A LIGHT JUST SWITCHED ON SOMEWHERE
An 8th-grader called my 5th-grade daughter "dick" today because she accidentally bumped into him.
"Mama, this is the first time somebody has ever called me an inappropriate word. It hurts."
Is it illegal for a 46-year-old woman to grab a 14yo boy by the ear and yell at him in front of his friends?
Also, why the hell don't people teach their kids better?
I explained this to 10yo this morning and she understood it perfectly and was outraged. Keep being mad, kiddo. We're gonna need that fire so you can burn it all down.
I am officially the mother of a 5th grader. WHAT MADNESS IS THIS
Sometimes, my first hint that 10yo is awake is hearing her humming before she gets out of bed. That makes me happy.
10yo *pouring a bowl of Cheerios*: I'm going to eat O's. It's been many a day since I've had the pleasure.
Apparently we are highbrow today.
